Spurgeons Excerpt, Mourning the Dullness of Affection

If a servant is set to do a certain duty, you do not continue him in your service if he drops off asleep. Remember the virgins who went out to meet the bridegroom. It was not wrong for them to be asleep at midnight; it was the proper time for sleep; but it was wrong for them to sleep, seeing that the bridegroom was come, and that they had gone out to meet him. It was wrong for them to sleep, and as I thought this matter over I thought that you, and I, and every Christian who is asleep, we are very much like the apostles at the gate of Gethsemane. There was their Master sweating great drops of blood in awful agonizing prayer, but where were they? Helping him? Casting their prayers into the treasury? Oh! no; not they! Watching against his adversaries, and guarding him against surprise? No; not they. There is the bold Peter, who said he never would forsake his Master, but his head is on his bosom. There is John, who has sincere affection for his Lord, but his eyes are fast closed; and James also is fast locked in the arms of sleep. And it is very much the same with us. Christ is up yonder interceding, and we are down here sleeping, the most of us. Christ is up there showing his wounds, and pleading before the Father’s throne that he would visit the sons of men, and give him to see of the travail of his soul, and here are we, not watching against his enemies, nor helping him by our prayers; but are busy here and there wasting precious time, while immortal souls are being lost. We are sleeping like men in the midst of harvest when the grain is waiting for the sickle. Our sickles are laid by, and we stretch ourselves beneath the shadow of some spreading tree and sleep; though black clouds are gathering, and the rain which will spoil the corn is certainly coming on, we, hired to do the day’s work, still sleep on. It is not so with you all, but it is so with many of us.

     It is so bad for us to be asleep, too, because it is quite certain that the enemy is awake. 

A Prayer of Surrender

Lord,

Teach me to pray without ceasing,

to worship with right order,

to shine as Your lampstand,

to lead as a servant,

and to serve as a slave of Christ.

Set my compass to true north

Lead me to the narrow way of Your righteousness.

Establish my steps on Your firm foundation.

Amen.

Shake Awake and the Harvest Outruns You

The pathology of slumber is subtle. It lulls the soul into complicity not by outright denial but by delay. To confess and know the truth of everlasting life?! Yet I (we) postpone obedience in the Great Commission? It is the claim of Christ's exclusivity that carries a daft scent to the world, offensive to the goats on the wide path yet unmistakable to the sheep. An aroma of abundance. It is a fragrance that drifts through the air like fireflies on a summer night, quiet, luminous, impossible to counterfeit, a work of wonder and awe. I wait expectantly for the luminous day when the shine in the dark night is no longer intermittent but roars in the full light of day. 

Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "There is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. - 1Th 5:1-11 ESV

Spurgeon:

Again, sleep is a state of inaction. No daily bread is earned by him that sleepeth. The man who is stretched upon his couch neither writeth books, nor tilleth the ground, nor plougheth the sea, nor doth aught else. His hands hang down, his pulse beateth, and life there is, but he is positively dead as to activity. O beloved, here is the state of many of you. How many Christians are inactive! Once it was their delight to instruct the young in the Sabbath- school, but that is now given up. Once they attended the early prayer-meeting, but not now. Once they would be hewers of wood and drawers of water, but alas! they are asleep now. Am I talking of what may happen! Is it not too true almost universally? Are not the churches asleep? Where are the ministers that preach? We have men that read the manuscripts, and talk essays: but is that preaching? We have men that can amuse an audience for twenty minutes. Is that preaching? Where are the men that preach their hearts out, and say their soul in every sentence? Where are the men that make it, not a profession, but a vocation, the breath of their bodies, the marrow of their bones, the delight of their spirits? Where are the Whitefields and Wesleys now? Are they not gone, gone, gone? Where are the Rowland Hills now, who preached every day, and three times a day, and were not afraid of preaching everywhere the unsearchable riches of Christ? Brethren, the Church slumbers. It is not merely that the pulpit is a sentry-box with the sentinel fast asleep; but the pews are affected. How are the prayer-meetings almost universally neglected! Our own church stands out like an almost solitary green islet in the midst of a dark, dark, sea; one bright pearl in the depths of an ocean of discord and confusion. Look at neighboring churches. Step into the vestry, and see a smaller band of people than you would like to think of, assembled round the pastor, whose heart is dull and heavy. Hear one brother after another pour out the dull monotonous prayer that he has said by heart these fifty years; and then go away and say: “Where is the spirit of prayer, where the life of devotion?” Is it not almost extinct? Are not our churches “fallen, fallen, fallen from their high estate?” God wake them up, and send them more earnest and praying men!

In that day will I raise up the tabernacle of David that is fallen, and close up the breaches thereof; and I will raise up his ruins, and I will build it as in the days of old: That they may possess the remnant of Edom, and of all the heathen, which are called by my name, saith the LORD that doeth this. Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit [them]; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. - Amo 9:11-14 KJV

Matthew Henry:

That in the kingdom of the Messiah there shall be great plenty, an abundance of all good things that the country produces (v. 13): The ploughman shall overtake the reaper, that is, there shall be such a plentiful harvest every year, and so much corn to be gathered in, that it shall last all summer, even till autumn, when it is time to begin to plough again; and in like manner the vintage shall continue till seed-time, and there shall be such abundance of grapes that even the mountains shall drop new wine into the vessels of the grape-gatherers, and the hills that were dry and barren shall be moistened and shall melt with the fatness or mellowness (as we call it) of the soil. Compare this with Joel 2:24, and 3:18. This must certainly be understood of the abundance of spiritual blessings in heavenly things, which all those are, and shall be, blessed with, who are in sincerity added to Christ and his church; they shall be abundantly replenished with the goodness of God's house, with the graces and comforts of his Spirit; they shall have bread, the bread of life, to strengthen their hearts, and the wine of divine consolations to make them glad-meat indeed and drink indeed-all the benefit that comes to the souls of men from the word and Spirit of God. These had been long confined to the vineyard of the Jewish church; divine revelation, and the power that attended it, were to be found only within that enclosure; but in gospel-times the mountains and hills of the Gentile world shall be enriched with these privileges by the gospel of Christ preached, and professed, and received in the power of it. When great multitudes were converted to the faith of Christ, and nations were born at once, when the preachers of the gospel were always caused to triumph in the success of their preaching, then the ploughman overtook the reaper; and when, the Gentile churches were enriched in all utterance, and in all knowledge, and all manner of spiritual gifts (1 Co. 1:5), then the mountains dropped sweet wine.

Praise Him! Jacob is small. How can I stand?

Praise the LORD!

Praise the name of the LORD;

Praise Him, O servants of the LORD, You who stand in the house of the LORD,

In the courts of the house of our God! Praise the LORD, for the LORD is good;

Sing praises to His name, for it is lovely. For the LORD has chosen Jacob for Himself,

Israel for His own possession. For I know that the LORD is great

And that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, He does,

In heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps. He causes the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth;

Who makes lightnings for the rain,

Who brings forth the wind from His treasuries. He smote the firstborn of Egypt,

Both of man and beast. He sent signs and wonders into your midst, O Egypt,

Upon Pharaoh and all his servants. He smote many nations

And slew mighty kings, Sihon, king of the Amorites,

And Og, king of Bashan,

And all the kingdoms of Canaan; And He gave their land as a heritage,

A heritage to Israel His people. Your name, O LORD, is everlasting,

Your remembrance, O LORD, throughout all generations. For the LORD will judge His people

And will have compassion on His servants. The idols of the nations are but silver and gold,

The work of man’s hands. They have mouths, but they do not speak;

They have eyes, but they do not see; They have ears, but they do not hear,

Nor is there any breath at all in their mouths. Those who make them will be like them,

Yes, everyone who trusts in them. O house of Israel, bless the LORD;

O house of Aaron, bless the LORD; O house of Levi, bless the LORD;

You who revere the LORD, bless the LORD. Blessed be the LORD from Zion,

Who dwells in Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD! — Psa 135:1-21 NASB95

Plumb my walls Abba... Let me not build for myself but for You and by Your will. 

so much for plans

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. — Jas 4:13-17 NASB95

Matthew Henry: 

All our actions and designs are under the control of Heaven. Our heads may be filled with cares and contrivances. This and the other thing we may propose to do for ourselves, or our families, or our friends; but Providence sometimes breaks all our measures, and throws our schemes into confusion. Therefore both our counsels for action and our conduct in action should be entirely referred to God; all we design and all we do should be with a submissive dependence on God.

Joel 2:14 King James Version

“Who knoweth if he will return and repent, and leave a blessing behind him; even a meat offering and a drink offering unto the LORD your God?”

Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains. — Jhn 9:41 NASB95

Spurgeon:

Submit yourselves unto God"-it is what angels do, what kings and prophets have done, what the best of men delight in-there is therefore no dishonor nor sorrow in so doing. All nature is submissive to his laws; suns and stars yield to his behests, we shall but be in harmony with the universe in willingly bowing to his sway. "Submit yourselves unto God"-you must do it whether you are willing to do so or not. Who can stand out against the Almighty?

until I die it's just sparks

Iron is struck.

It is shaped.

It is purified.

Where be the next forge?

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. - 1Th 4:13 ESV

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. - Eph 6:10-11 ESV

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. - Jhn 15:1-12 ESV

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psa 34:18 ESV

The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." - Exo 14:14 ESV

but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. - Isa 40:31 ESV

no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD." - Isa 54:17 ESV

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. - Rom 8:18-25 ESV

The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. - Psa 28:7 ESV

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. - Isa 43:2 ESV

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. - Jas 1:12 ESV

Overthinking

 There are the days where the thoughts are clouded, the heart is tested and the mind is full. 

Overthinking by Samantha Ebert

verse
There′s an ache that's so persistent
There′s a battle in my mind
Trying not to let the fear win
But I can't seem to close my eyes
I wanna know that it will be okay
But I'm running out of synonyms to pray

chorus
Do I tell you I feel hopeless?
Do I tell you that I′m scared?
Do I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn′t fair"?
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me just how much you care
When I′m sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there, oh

verse
When the cycle is exhausting
And I can′t keep up the pace (ooh)
When I feel my world is falling
And there's doubt I can′t escape
Uncomplicating's what you'll have to do
Will I trust in you to help me work it through?

chorus
Do I tell you I feel hopeless?
Do I tell you that I′m scared?
Do I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn′t fair"?
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me just how much you care
When I′m sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there

bridge
Silence the riot
Send peace and quiet
′Cause I can't fight it on my own

chorus
When I tell you I feel hopeless
When I tell you that I′m scared
When I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn't fair"
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me that you′re a God who cares
When I′m sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there
You won′t leave me there, mm

the rejected stone

Some people are slow to respond. (Or don't at all) Naturally this stirs up questions and some feelings - the silence leaves room for doubt and speculation.

So when these thoughts come up, I am reminded: there is One who knows of a much greater rejection. One who felt it more deeply, for there are eternal consequences. He came to His own people... and they did not receive Him, but crucified Him.

While I am just an ordinary stone in the wall... it is Him who is the chief cornerstone: stone that sets the foundation of the entire building. So my small discouragement? It points me back to the foundation that bears the weight of every wall.

Psa 118:19-24 NASB95 — Open to me the gates of righteousness; I shall enter through them, I shall give thanks to the LORD. This is the gate of the LORD; The righteous will enter through it. I shall give thanks to You, for You have answered me, And You have become my salvation. The stone which the builders rejected Has become the chief corner stone. This is the LORD’S doing; It is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Keeping Him First

But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." - Eph 5:13-14 ESV

The last two years had been full of challenges and trials. A business purchase that would have changed much...not working out. The end of an 11 year covenant and the begining of another - a different kind of commitment. Through the hard times I have grown and probably changed more than I can imagine. Leaned into the truth of scripture and the working of the Holy Spirit. Marriage is a sanctifying experience. Divorce... More so! And through it all? I have placed my trust and faith in Him. My walk with the Lord is so precious and full of love 

....because I know Christ is enough.

This Dayenu (“it would have been enough”) is my testimony of His provision and faithfulness and a call to keep Christ first: before a covenant, within a covenant, and after a covenant.

...

If Jesus had brought hidden things into the light

 and had not carried me when I had no strength… 

Dayenu

If He had carried me when I had no strength 

and had not enabled me to forgive… 

Dayenu

If He had enabled me to forgive 

and had not sustained me in the waiting… 

Dayenu

If He had sustained me in the waiting 

and had not met me in the loneliness with His presence...… 

Dayenu

If had me in the loneliness with His presence 

and had not provided daily bread… 

Dayenu

If He had provided daily bread 

and had not had taught me to seek first His kingdom… 

Dayenu

If He had taught me to seek first His kingdom

and had not healed me by His Spirit… 

Dayenu

If He had healed me by His Spirit 

and had not restored my joy and identity in Christ… 

Dayenu ("It would have been enough")

And yet He has done all this and more!

So my heart says...Christ alone is enough!

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. - Isa 40:29 ESV

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. - Psa 55:22 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. - Col 3:13 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. - Mat 18:21-22 ESV

The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. - Lam 3:25-26 ESV

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! - Psa 27:14 ESV

"You shall have no other gods before me. - Exo 20:3 ESV

"Son of man, these men have taken their idols into their hearts, and set the stumbling block of their iniquity before their faces. Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them? - Eze 14:3 ESV

You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him. - Deu 13:4 ESV

Give us this day our daily bread, - Mat 6:11 ESV

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. - Phl 4:19 ESV

I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. - Psa 37:25 ESV

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." - Heb 13:5 ESV

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. - Psa 23:4 ESV

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isa 41:10 ESV

 "And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. - Joe 2:28 ESV

"'And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams; - Act 2:17 ESV

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. - 1Co 12:7 ESV

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. - Psa 51:12 ESV

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. - Jhn 15:11 ESV

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. - Phl 4:13 ESV

and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. - Col 2:10 ESV

singing bluebird

Circa 2010:

there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you.

Now: 

There’s a song in my heart that wants to break free, and by His Spirit I will not keep it hidden.

I say, rise up, let the world hear your song,

for in my own weakness... Christ’s love is made visible!

FLY HIGH LIL BLUEBIRDIE!!

Psa 40:3 NIV — He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.

as sand, selah

Memories I hold like sand,

falling through my hands.

Out of my grip,

held tight, yet it slips.

Always slipping.

Frustrating not to know

who you were

or where you go.

All is like a mist.

Most is missed.

I don’t feel control.

I let it fade.

Hard to relate,

not made how they see.

I wonder what it is like

to think back and find clarity,

not confusion at the lack.

The memories expired.

A quiet mystery.

I can’t repeat the patterns,

can’t feel what matters.

I wish I could hold

what is gold,

the sweet and the bitter.

It falls like rain in the wind.

And so,

what to make of the weather?

Psa 39:5 ESV — Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah

2Co 4:17-18 ESV — For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

here I am

 

overflow of the oil of love

If all my heart belongs to the Lord, how could there be room for another?

This I ask myself.

Yet the oil He pours never runs dry.

Love for Him does not crowd out love for others... rather it overflows!

He fills it and spills it... an overflowing cup! 

It is meant for the one who walks beside me in the field, hands to the plow, eyes on the same horizon.

It is meant for my neighbors: young and old, the widow, the orphan, the sorjouner. 

It is meant for my oikois. The ones I fellowship with, eyes open. The ones still in the dark, eyes closed. 

It is abounding and persistent.

This love? It is His, poured through me, and it is abundant. 

Love you too,

Papa King. You are kadosh, kadosh, kadosh... the Lord Almighty...and also Abba. 

The coronation of the brokenhearted

Once upon a time, there was a boy.

He wished for the best and saw the best.

So half his heart was given to a queen.

She was the honey. Sweet to the taste,

but the consequences of choices turned the reign dark.

For many years the kingdom was peaceful

but it had became divided,

its feet a mix of iron and clay.

Eleven years passed. Almost twelve now.

Even time withers like the grass, in a sense.

A shadow had descended on the land.

The wild dogs, the attic and basement dwellers,

They corrupted the goodness of what was meant to be. 

Or should have been 

The queen ruled with persuasive power,

the king with an iron first,

and the right balance disrupted with disobedience.

The little king soon lost his way.

At times, he was critical of his queen,

arrogant in knowledge,

prideful in posture.

This contributed to the shattering.

Worried by how the dominion was ruled,

And ashamed of his own dark reign

he escaped to the wilderness.

Or was the desert kingdom planted with thornbushes since the start of his reign?

In the worst of the wilderness,

he saw the idol smashed.

The chains broken.

He learned to be still.

To re-forge silver.

To discover the limitations he lived with.

To surrender.

And there he encountered a burning Presence.

In the wandering,

he found a white stone

in the desert of red rocks and sand.

An old-new name was given to him,

Was it for the trumpet sound?

To lead others from their own wilderness?

To rule with a flipped heart?

He had secured an inheritance,

and was placed into his own land.

It was a coronation moment,

Not a reunion with the queen of dark honey,

but with the Bride of Christ.

The first was part of the formation,

but not his future.

All because a heart that chases the Lord?

It remains steadfast.

The heat may come,

or the stormy gales blow,

but he who holds fast to the Rock

claims the Crown of Life.

an echo of what was

A melody I can't quite remember. A slight taste of bittersweet. It's meaning and weight can't be denied or forgotten - though it is just an echo. A simple reverberation of what was.

The memory is as fleeting and temporal as the grass that springs up after the desert rains. And then withers when it's season is done.

I have the head knowledge of this ache... But it is truly, on the tip of my tongue. I hold this fact without neglecting or denying the beauty, or it's meaning. It was lovely once.

There are memories that linger, known the soul and familiar. Yet I find myself not able to hum the tune. A whisper of beauty past and a dream just out of reach.

I know it was... "hesed"  To show this kind of love? Sometimes it may be to let go. To not cling tightly but to release. To honor it's current place.

Amo 3:3 ESV — “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?

1Co 7:12-15 NASB20 — But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one is leaving, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace. 

So what do I do with the echo? 

I surrender it it to Him and live in peace. It is a seed for something eternal. A whisper of something more. I move forward - choosing hope over nostalgia giving my life back to the Great Author. A choice of obedience, reverence and submission... what is found now? It is the joy of intimacy with the Ruach Kodesh - the Holy Spirit. A new book is being written and I welcome the blank pages and give Him the pen. I will follow you home, my King. 

Lord, thank You for the beauty of what once was. Help me to cherish without clinging and to walk forward in the confidence that you waste nothing. Not even a bittersweet memory that fades. Let the melody of Your love become the song that guides me now.  For your hesed endures forever.  I will follow you my King - to my true and everlasting home. I wait expectantly and with longing. I know your plans for me are not done quite yet, but I pray you would shape them to Your will and not my own. Amen.

A song from long ago; now a cry of my soul to Jesus:

it was a summer night and i was sleeping

the moon was out, my head was beaming

i looked at my dreams like they were gold

amazing feelings draw within me

all my conflicts slip beneath me

like the spirit of a song

or like the feeling of a lover in your arms

but ever since that night and after

the dreams i had i can't recapture

and it brings me down so low

the more i search the less i find

the more i look the more i'm blind

like a melody so young

hanging on the tip of the tongue

if i wait long enough now

will you come to me

will you come to me

so far away, but right beside me

will you come to me

will you follow me home

when we first met we were so young

we played out past the setting sun

in a world of make believe

wooden forts and magic beans

silly thoughts and silly dreams

how we said we'd never change

but somehow life got in the way

but way back then and even now

i still love you i don't know how

you got magic in your eyes

and underneath our conversation

in our thoughts our contemplations

there's a feeling left unsung

hanging on the tip of the tongue

sky trumpets

Is this sound of heaven rain? 

A coming day without pain?

Clouds that part the dark of night

but shine bright with Sword, a Holy light,

A Full Day when there is no more,

Of wicked sin and dreadful war. 

Who then shall we fear or blame? 

The Lord Almighty, praise His name.

King of great tiding, joy and peace,

all fear and sorrow soon shall cease 

Joe 2:1 ESV — Blow a trumpet in Zion;

sound an alarm on my holy mountain!

Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble,

for the day of the LORD is coming; it is near,

Isa 13:13 NASB20 — Therefore I will make the heavens tremble,

And the earth will be shaken from its place

At the fury of the LORD of armies

In the day of His burning anger.

Mal 3:1-3 ESV — “Behold, I send my messenger, and he will prepare the way before me. And the Lord whom you seek will suddenly come to his temple; and the messenger of the covenant in whom you delight, behold, he is coming, says the LORD of hosts. But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the LORD.

Dan 7:13-14 ESV — “I saw in the night visions,

and behold, with the clouds of heaven

there came one like a son of man,

and he came to the Ancient of Days

and was presented before him. And to him was given dominion

and glory and a kingdom,

that all peoples, nations, and languages

should serve him;

his dominion is an everlasting dominion,

which shall not pass away,

and his kingdom one

that shall not be destroyed.

Jer 4:23-26 ESV — I looked on the earth, and behold, it was without form and void;

and to the heavens, and they had no light. I looked on the mountains, and behold, they were quaking,

and all the hills moved to and fro. I looked, and behold, there was no man,

and all the birds of the air had fled. I looked, and behold, the fruitful land was a desert,

and all its cities were laid in ruins

before the LORD, before his fierce anger.

Isa 52:7-8 ESV — How beautiful upon the mountains

are the feet of him who brings good news,

who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness,

who publishes salvation,

who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.” The voice of your watchmen—they lift up their voice;

together they sing for joy;

for eye to eye they see

the return of the LORD to Zion.

Amo 3:3-6 ESV — “Do two walk together,

unless they have agreed to meet? Does a lion roar in the forest,

when he has no prey?

Does a young lion cry out from his den,

if he has taken nothing? Does a bird fall in a snare on the earth,

when there is no trap for it?

Does a snare spring up from the ground,

when it has taken nothing? Is a trumpet blown in a city,

and the people are not afraid?

Does disaster come to a city,

unless the LORD has done it?

Rom 10:15-21 NASB20 — But how are they to preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written: “HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE THE FEET OF THOSE WHO BRING GOOD NEWS OF GOOD THINGS!” However, they did not all heed the good news; for Isaiah says, “LORD, WHO HAS BELIEVED OUR REPORT?” So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. But I say, surely they have never heard, have they? On the contrary:

“THEIR VOICE HAS GONE OUT INTO ALL THE EARTH,

AND THEIR WORDS TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD.” But I say, surely Israel did not know, did they? First Moses says,

“I WILL MAKE YOU JEALOUS WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT A NATION,

WITH A FOOLISH NATION I WILL ANGER YOU.” And Isaiah is very bold and says,

“I WAS FOUND BY THOSE WHO DID NOT SEEK ME,

I REVEALED MYSELF TO THOSE WHO DID NOT ASK FOR ME.” But as for Israel, He says, “I HAVE SPREAD OUT MY HANDS ALL DAY LONG TO A DISOBEDIENT AND OBSTINATE PEOPLE.”

The mountains declare

Some thoughts of reflection while on the plane ride home:

Some say there is beauty found in these mountains. The wonder of creation. These things made under this sun. 

But here me when I say: the tallest mountain, the most breathtaking view, the clearest glacial waters that shimmer like sapphires does not compare to wisdom and beauty of truth found in the Holy scriptures.  

A gift breathed out by God and illuminated by the Holy Spirit: to teach, to train, to encourage to rebuke, to grow us, to show us how to be more like Him: the One who was, who is and is to come. 

The Word of the Lord endures forever, it is a sword of power and truth. I cannot help but tremble. 

Even greater things we will do? Ask for anything in his name? If our requests be His will, His nature and for His glory. He entrusts us to carry the message to the ends of the earth with the Spirit indwelling in us: power for a ripple change in the heart of stone to flesh. It is of global significance. This side of the resurrection... we have the whole picture.

A lump in my throat.

A tear in my eye.

That He would say these things to those born of dust? I am but a stick, an ant and a grain of sand. But He still knows, and sees and cares. 

He bore the weight of my wickedness. 

By the blood price paid for our sins Christ has restored a way to the Father. 

Holy holy holy! 

That we may commune with him in the light of His love forever? It shall be shouted from the mountaintops! Dual purpose for their creation: to declare His majesty and to provide a stepping stool for the proclaiming His goodness, His grace and the redemption of all mankind? 

What I Thought I Needed

Only You

I used to think I needed someone like her.

Someone who understood me,

who offered what felt like peace,

whose words could soften the waves inside.

But I see now.

I was longing for You.

Not someone who calmed the storm,

but the One who commands the waves.

Not one who made silence feel safe,

but the One who makes it sacred.

You Called Me Higher

You opened my eyes to see again,

to see how I tried to fill a throne with a touch,

how I crowned a feeling and called it god,

how I mistook connection for covenant,

and tenderness for truth.

How I thought I needed comfort,

But You were calling me to holiness.

The One Who Stayed

I held fast to the vows we once shared.

I wept for what was sacred yet slipping.

I needed her to choose us.

But she stepped away.

You stayed.

You never left me.

You walked with me.

You still stay.

You loved me before I knew I needed saving.

You bore not just my pain but my sin.

You didn’t just comfort me.

You atoned.

You redeemed.

You, Lord, are the Consuming Fire,

burning what was never holy.

Refining what You make new.

Where I Fell Short

What we had wasn’t perfect.

But I fought for it.

It was sacred.

Entrusted to me,

for a season only You could number.

I see now where I fell short too.

I idolized the gift more than the Giver.

I gave effort where intimacy had faded.

I held to hope even when truth trembled,

thinking covenant could cover the cracks.

I loved deeply.

Yet she let go.

Still, You never let go.

You are the refuge who never does.

What You’re Making New

You don’t just convince me I’m enough.

You make me Yours.

Chosen.

Redeemed.

Beloved.

Her imprint fades.

Yours remain.

You showed me Your wounds,

the scars and stripes that healed me.

It wasn’t wasted.

Even broken vessels carried meaning.

Even in her leaving,

You were forming something new in me.

If You Would Send Someone

So I no longer long for echoes of the past,

not reminders,

not replacements.

If You would send someone,

let her not be an echo of my wounds,

but a partner in Your purpose.

Let her not soothe what You mean to sanctify,

nor fix what You intend to remake.

Let her not come as just warmth,

but a flame forged in surrender,

burning together for You.

If she comes,

may she find me bowed,

not needing her as Savior,

but walking already

with You as Lord.

Not one who completes me,

but one who joins me

in being made complete in You.

Not to Replace You, But Reflect You

An Ezer,

not to replace You,

but to reflect You.

A Kenegdo,

not above, not beneath,

but face to face.

Strong where I am weak,

and yielded in love, as I am too.

Bone of my bone.

Flesh of my flesh.

And if she stands beside me,

may we not reach backward for Eden,

but long together for the New Jerusalem.

Until Then, I Burn

I used to think I needed someone.

Now I sow with tears and wait in the already but not yet.

Not idle,

not empty,

but burning,

with oil in my lamp,

and fire in my bones.

Still healing.

Still held.

Still holy.

Prepared.

Purified.

Poured out.

For You.

No more idols.

No more broken cisterns.

Only Living Water.

Only You.

Selah.

Prayer For Rain

I ache for the downpour of heavy rain,

Will You grow a harvest from these tears?

I pray for an olive tree,

to take root in my sea of sorrow.

Yoked in purpose,

to share the good news,

with the breath You've allotted for the time here,

for tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Selah.

desert sun in the morning

2Pe 1:16-21 ESV — For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain. And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

http://blb.org/esv/2pe/1/16-21/

The Sound of Rain; Dream of Green Moon

Is there a sound of heavy rain and wind? 

A thought that came to mind after the reading of 1 Kings 17/18 today. It was a reminder that I am covered by His protection, His pinions in the storm. And to have a heart of reverence with my face between my knees after the lightening strikes at His command and mighty will - whatever that may be.

The feeling, image, circumstance in the mind - so I may remember better:

I wonder for how long David knew he would be facing Goliath before the stone struck and the giant toppled. 

Or how long Elijah knew in advance he would being facing Jezebel's darkness and the Prophets of Baal. (I need to read that whole story)

I wonder how long the leaves appear before summer is here. I see mine now in the garden after the recent rains.

Luk 21:30 ESV — As soon as they come out in leaf, you see for yourselves and know that the summer is already near.

I wonder how long the darkness covers the earth and the people before the light is seen.

Isa 60:2 ESV — For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the LORD will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you.

Or if I will be attentive enough, to hear the whisper? I pray I for ears to hear. For I see His wonderous ways of speaking.

1Ki 19:12 ESV — And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.

The strangest dream I woke early too on 6/4 that is quite the story, reflection of life happenings perhaps:

A dream of a fight that did not happen in the grungy pub with my family in attendance, the game of matching cards that removed an article of clothing, a dog walking on its hind legs with a woman in a police costume putting on its diaper, the peace or lack of embarrassment I had as I was on the toilet with half a curtain as a door in conversation with a stranger that didn't believe my words- I needed to be careful of the toilet paper selection so as to not clog the old sewers, my revelry with the poor and the rough crowd as the night countiued- an odd crew but we became friends that night, the woman I spoke to whom I shared my testimony of Jesus with who had an eating disorder & she had not eaten for many days but was still puking up things, and the photo op in the moon which was green colored as I walked the streets during the celebration.

Does a new thing begin? I watch and wait and listen.